Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance: therefore, much drink may be said to be an equivocator with lechery: it makes him, and it mars him it sets him on, and it takes him off it persuades him, and disheartens him makes him stand to, and not stand to in conclusion, equivocates him in a sleep, and, giving him the lie, leaves him. Marry, sir, nose-painting, sleep, and urine. What three things does drink especially provoke? The Porter is often played as hungover, clutching his head as if suffering from a headache: he was up late drinking (‘carousing’) till three o’clock in the morning (‘the second cock’, i.e. ’Faith sir, we were carousing till the second cock: and drink, sir, is a great provoker of three things. Was it so late, friend, ere you went to bed, The Porter decides to leave off his play-acting that he’s the porter at the gates of hell.Īnon, anon! I pray you, remember the porter. The ‘primrose way’ (compare Hamlet’s ‘primrose path to dalliance’) is a flowery, beautiful, pleasant path – but it leads to ‘the everlasting bonfire’ of hell.
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The Porter cleverly reminds us where we are meant to be: up in Inverness, in the far north of Scotland, where it is indeed ‘too cold for hell’. I’ll devil-porter it no further: I had thought to have let in some of all professions that go the primrose way to the everlasting bonfire. Knock, knock never at quiet! What are you? But this place is too cold for hell. A ‘goose’, as well as being a tasty bird, is a tailor’s pressing-iron: so ‘roast your goose’ is a joke, because of the fires of hell.
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This time, an English tailor has arrived at the Porter’s imaginary ‘hell’ (there are lots of old jokes against tailors like this). Yet another ‘knock, knock! Who’s there?’ line from the Porter. Knock, knock, knock! Who’s there? Faith, here’s an English tailor come hither, for stealing out of a French hose: come in, tailor here you may roast your goose.